The Gleek Critique: "Original Song" Episode

New Directions performing their original "Loser Like Me" at Regionals.  Image property of Fox.

by Jack Garcia

Although Rachel's newest attempt at songwriting, "Only Child," is better than the dismal "My Headband," it's still not that fantastic.  Maybe a little too Rachel-tailored?  However, the idea still catches on and it is decided by all the New Directions kids that they will sing original music at Regionals.  Quinn agrees to help Rachel, with motives all her own, but the other kids think they should all get a stab at songwriting.  Plenty of original songs are created and sung, and ultimately the perfect two are chosen for the big competition!

So why was Quinn helping Rachel?  Only to get close enough to tell her to stay away from Finn, because although she may have Finn now, she knows that he still harbors feelings for Rachel and vice versa.  As far as Quinn is concerned, Finn is her first love and they are going to get married and live in Lima their whole lives.  Oh, and she really wants them to be Prom King and Queen.  Like really really wants that...


Over at Dalton Academy, Kurt suggests that somebody besides Blaine should sing all of The Warblers' solos.  As a sort of compromise, it is decided that the solo should become a duet.  Blaine chooses Kurt to be his duet partner after hearing Kurt's beautiful tribute to the deceased Warbler mascot.  But not only did Kurt's rendition of The Beatles' song "Blackbird" cause him to be chosen for the duet, it also helped Blaine to realize that he had feelings for Kurt.  Their friendship has officially become a relationship.

And the big competition?  McKinley's New Directions won first place!  They are going to Nationals!

The Pros:

• The Warblers singing Maroon 5's "Misery" was a great way to start the episode!  They later sang an awesome version of Pink's "Raise Your Glass" and to show their softer side, "Candles" by Hey Monday.
• The original songs that didn't make the cut were all pretty fun, especially Santana's ode to her big-lipped boyfriend entitled "Trouty Mouth."  Silly lyrics but very jazzy and sexy.  She has a great voice.  Puck's song written for Lauren was pretty awesome as well.  I mean, it's called "Big Ass Heart."  What more is there to say?  And Mercedes really stole the show with her "Hell to the No."  I love to hear that girl sing!
• When Blaine said, "You move me, Kurt" I swooned!  Oh my gosh, so romantic and way too freaking cute!  And that kiss?!  TO DIE FOR!  By far the greatest moment thus far on Glee for me!  I love Kurt's character so much and I am very happy that he has found love at last! 
• I really thought Rachel's "Get It Right" was performed beautifully.  She is such a talented performer.  And of course, "Loser Like Me" was a fun anthem for losers everywhere, ready to be a chart-topper!
• Kathy Griffin was on!  I love her, I love her, I love her!  And having her play a member of the tea party was very funny.  When she said, "I am not a witch," I almost peed my pants.  That whole judge scene was just hilarious in general, what with Rod being Rod and that stripper-turned-nun going on and on...
• "My husband is verbally abusive and I have been drinking since noon.. I'm bored, let's just see who won!"  Ha ha, so funny.  And then Sue went and punched her!  Ha ha ha, even funnier!

The Cons:

• Santana won't talk to Brittany now, and seems determined to just act is if she never said anything about her feelings for her.  She's just going to keep on dating Sam.  Sad.
• Whatever happened to Vocal Adrenaline, the big rivals from last season?  Don't tell me they didn't make it to Regionals!
• As cute as the foam "loser" hands were, where in the world did the audience get them from?  And nobody outside of McKinley High would understand the significance of the slushie-throwing at the end...
• No new episodes until April!?

The Gleek Critique: "Sexy" Episode

Mr. Schuester and Holly Holiday dance together... and then some.  Image property of Fox.

by Jack Garcia

The episode opens with Emma holding a meeting of the Celibacy Club (consisting of Rachel, a virgin, and Quinn, who's not) and is encouraging the girls to abstain from sex until their honeymoon... or later.  However, Holly Holiday is back at McKinley High teaching Sex Ed and she thinks the more informed the better.  I mean, the kids are so clueless about sex that they think they can get AIDS from a cucumber.  Brittany thinks she's pregnant because she found a bird's nest.  And let's not forget Finn believing he had fathered Quinn's baby because they kissed in a hot tub.

And the sexual problems continue.  Lauren wants to make a sex tape with Puck in order to become famous, which would of course be child pornography since they are under eighteen years of age.  Then Brittany is confused about her relationship with Santana.  When she tries to talk to Santana about it, she blows it off like it's no big deal.  She doesn't like labels.  Luckily, Holly is around to help all of these students.  But she doesn't just help teens.  Dr. Carl asks her to speak with him and Emma, and lo and behold, it's revealed that Emma still has feelings for Will.  That's problematic for both Dr. Carl (Emma's husband) and for Holly who's falling for Will as well.

Meanwhile, Sue, hoping to get some secrets in return, tells Kurt and Blaine that New Directions is focusing on their sex appeal.  This makes Blaine wonder whether The Warblers are sexy enough, so they invite a girls school to watch them sing and give them feedback.  Turns out the guys are pretty sexy as a whole, but Kurt's "sexy face" looks like he's constipated.   He confesses to Blaine that he doesn't feel very sexy.  In fact, sex kind of scares him in general.  So what does Blaine do?  He goes to Kurt's dad and tells him to have "the talk" with his son.

The Pros:

• Holly Holiday had some pretty fun quotes about sex.  Like saying it's "just like hugging, only wetter" or that teaching abstinence is "like saying vegetarianism is an option for lions."
• "Animal" by Neon Trees sung by Blaine, Kurt and The Warblers was pretty awesome... mostly because Kurt sang and he hasn't sung in far too long!  Although, he did sound a bit synthesized.  But it's Glee, so that's normal.
• Prince's "Kiss" featured some unexpected tango-dancing which was pretty spectacular.  Hot damn Mr. Schue and Holly looked pretty sexy dancing together.  And that kiss?  Smoking!
• Some great scenes!  Brittany and Santana had some really emotional and touching scenes, which gave their characters some refreshing depth.  I also really enjoyed both of the scenes with Burt (Kurt's dad); the one where Blaine talks to him in the shop and when he later has a heart-to-heart with Kurt about sex.
• The Santana-Brittany-Holly cover of  the Stevie Nicks song "Landslide" was just beautiful.  When Santana started crying I was crying right with her!  Which leads me to the next point...
• Santana's a lesbian!

The Cons:

• "Afternoon Delight" was stupid.  Is anyone dumb enough to not know that song is one big sexual innuendo?
• I'm still against Finn and Quinn.  People with rhyming names shouldn't be together!  I'm pretty sure that's a law.
• Sue was only in one scene.

Post-Oscar Opinions

by Jack Garcia

The Oscars Ceremony has concluded, and Brian and I would have lost a lot of money had we bet on our predictions.  We are definitely not fortune-tellers (although the "real" fortune-teller they showed during the pre-Oscar stuff got a lot wrong as well) so maybe we should leave the predicting to the experts.  Whatever, it's still fun.

Here are the ones we got wrong:

• Art Direction and Costume Design both went to Alice in Wonderland which we never saw coming.  We did love the costumes in that movie (and nothing else), but we figured the Academy would go with a period piece.  We were wrong. 
• Cinematography went to Inception.  We're not mad about that.  It's a great movie.
• Animated Short went to The Lost Thing which we haven't seen so we didn't pick it!  Would love to check it out.
• Original Song went to Toy Story 3 which we wanted to win, but it's not the one we predicted to win.  We shouldn't have doubted our heart of hearts.
• Directing went to The King's Speech.  We wanted Black Swan and were expecting The Social Network... so we were just way off.

So of the 19 we ventured to guess, we missed 6.   That's a 68% which, judging by our high school grades, would have been totally acceptable for Brian and a death sentence for me.  We did really good on the obvious ones though!  Everybody was expecting The King's Speech to win Best Picture, Natalie Portman to win Best Actress, and Colin Firth to win Best Actor so no surprises there.  I'm sure most people watching at home guessed those ones right.

As far as the ceremony goes, we were a little bit let down by Anne Hathaway and James Franco.  As much as we admire them as actors, they were not the greatest to ever host the Academy Awards.  To be nice, Anne had several funny moments when not overtaken by nervous giggling, but James was just kind of boring.  Some of the funnier bits were thanks to the pre-recorded clips like their opening spoof on the Best Picture nominees and the pretend musical numbers from Harry Potter and such.  Very funny watching Ron sing about the little ball of light in his heart!

Pre-Oscar Predictions

by Jack Garcia

For movie-lovers like Brian and I, the presentation of the Academy Awards is an important event.  It's like a high holy day.  Like Passover.  Except we would never want to pass over the chance to watch the Oscars on television... especially when two of our favorite actors are hosting.  We love Anne Hathaway and James Franco!

So before the Oscars air tomorrow night on ABC, we wanted to make our predictions.  If you go to the official website, you can sign up for what they call "My Oscars" to get your own invitation, watch Oscar-related videos, and pick who you think will win.  Fun stuff, so check it out some time.

We now present to you our official predictions!  Predictions don't necessarily imply that we want them to win, so alongside, in parentheses, we will let you know who we would rather have win.

• Best Picture:  The King's Speech (Black Swan)
• Actor in a Leading Role:  Colin Firth
• Actor in a Supporting Role:  Christian Bale (Geoffrey Rush)
• Actress in a Leading Role:  Natalie Portman
• Actress in a Supporting Role:  Melissa Leo
• Animated Feature Film:  Toy Story 3
• Art Direction:  Inception (Harry Potter)
• Cinematography:  Black Swan
• Costume Design: The King's Speech
• Directing:  The Social Network (Black Swan)
• Film Editing:  The Social Network (Black Swan)
• Music (Original Score):  The Social Network (Inception)
• Music (Original Song):  127 Hours (Toy Story 3)
• Short Film (Animated):  Day & Night
• Sound Editing:  Inception
• Sound Mixing:  Inception
• Visual Effects:  Inception (Harry Potter)
• Writing (Adapted Screenplay):  The Social Network
• Writing (Original Screenplay):  The King's Speech

We didn't make predictions for Documentary Feature, Documentary Short Subject, Foreign Language Film, Makeup,or Short Film (Live Action) because we were unfamiliar with the nominees.  We can't really choose for films we haven't seen!

The Gleek Critique: "Blame It on the Alcohol" Episode

Brittany and the glee club sing "Tik Tok" at a school assembly.  Image property of Fox.

by Jack Garcia

One of the benefits of living in a hotel is the free cable!  I can watch Glee on Tuesday nights again!  Yay!

So surprise, surprise, high schoolers drink, and Principal Figgins is not having it.  He's asked Mr. Schuester to have the glee club perform an anti-alcohol number at a school assembly.  The problem?  To start with, Mr. Schuester himself is a drinker.  In order to unwind from the stress of being a divorced man in love with a married woman constantly threatened by his nemesis Sue Sylvester, he has to knock back a beer or two.  Or he'd explode.  His pal Coach Bieste takes him out to a local honky tonk bar, Rosalita's Roadhouse, where they both get really crazy.  Drunk off his butt he returns home and drunk-dials Emma.  His message is self-destructive enough, even without accidentally sending it to Sue Sylvester.  Of course, she can't keep something like that to herself.

The other problem?  The glee club kids are underage drinkers!  They are hardly in a place to promote abstinence from alcohol... especially after the crazy party that ensues at Rachel Berry's house while her dads are away.  And, oh, the things one will do when a little more than tipsy!  Brittany's running around half-naked, Santana and Sam are making out in the corner, and a little game of "Spin the Bottle" leads Blaine to make out with Rachel, causing him to question his sexuality.  Maybe he's straight?  Rachel sure wants him to be, and Kurt doesn't believe it.  Luckily in the end Blaine realizes that he doesn't have feelings for Rachel.  He is most definitely gay.  So that kiss?  You can blame it on the alcohol.

Pros:  

• Finn's explanation of the different kinds of drunk girls made me smile.  Very true.  We find out that Santana is a "weepy" drunk, Lauren and Quinn are "mean" drunks, Brittany's a "stripper" drunk, Mercedes and Tina are "laughing" drunks, and Rachel is a "needy" drunk.
• When Rachel kissed Blaine the music playing in the background was The Go-Go's "Johnny Are You Queer?" which is a totally awesome song.
• Lots of fun songs this week.  I loved Blaine and Rachel's duet of Human League's "Don't You Want Me" and I also really liked Brittany's performance of "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha... even if it did end in vomiting.  And we got to hear Coach Bieste sing for the first time in "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer" along with Mr. Schue.
• I laughed every time Principal Figgins said Ke$ha's name as "Ke Dollar Sign Ha."
• Other funny lines included Brittany saying "Why is she so racist?" after Quinn referencing the phrase "like the pot calling the kettle black."  Ha ha.  Or when Coach Bieste said, "You ain't lived til you've seen me in a cowboy hat!"  It was the way she said it.  You have to say "cowboy hat" in high pitch.  And hold out the "hat" a little bit... hee hee.
• Gotta' love all the smooching!

Cons:

• What in the hell was Rachel wearing at her party?  She looked like Melissa Gilbert in Little House on the Prairie... if she were a polygamist.
• The first original song to ever be sung on Glee was called "My Headband."  How sad is that...
• I was gonna put "Oh no!  Blaine is confused!"  but in the end everything worked out so it's okay.  I still feel bad for poor Kurt though.  Rachel got to kiss the man of his dreams before he did.
• When Will's drunk voicemail to Emma (mistakenly sent to Sue) was played over the school intercom I felt soooooooo uncomfortable for him.  How embarrassing...  He really needs to get his love life under control.  He's so pathetic.
• No Glee next week.  Sad face.

The Gleek Critique: "Comeback" Episode

Yup.  Glee has caught "Bieber Fever."  Image property of Fox.

by Jack Garcia

Last night's episode began with a sue-icide note from one Sue Sylvester.  Turns out her defeat at the big cheerleading competition has really gotten her down.  Luckily (or unluckily) she doesn't actually kill herself, but in order to make her a bit happier Mr. Schue decides that Sue needs some music in her life.  Music makes everyone happier, right?  So he makes her join the glee club and even takes her to sing with children at a hospital.  Turns out Sue has a love for music.  Good news?  Nope.  At the end of the episode she becomes the new director for one of New Directions rivals:  Aural Intensity.  Oh no!

Sam, trying to give Quinn more reasons to stay with him, decides to start a one-man band called The Justin Bieber Experience.  Soon all the other boys join (except Finn who's way too cool for all that) and they woo every girl in the club.  But by the end of the episode, Sam realizes that Quinn really did make out with Finn last episode so he dumps her and hooks up with Santana pretty much instantly.  This was all according to Santana's plan, of course, seeing as she's almost as devious as Sue.

Rachel is trying to be popular by starting a new fashion trend (librarian chic) but of course that doesn't really work out for her.  Her look does become quite popular though, thanks to Brittany who ends up getting all the credit as the trendsetter.  But by the end of the episode she comes up with a new project:  she's going to write an original song for the glee club to perform at Regionals.

The Pros:

• Sue called Mr. Schue "SpongeHair SquareChin."  That's a good'un.
• Lauren sang her very first solo "I Know What Boys Like" by The Waitresses!  And in order to have the nerve to sing in public, she had to picture everyone in their underwear... which provided us with some fun eye candy!  Some of those guys look pretty impressive in their skivvies.
• Rachel and Mercedes sang "Take Me or Leave Me" from the musical Rent and it was awesome.  I think this was the first duet between these two amazing vocalists and it was sheer power!  Those girls have some pipes!

The Cons:

• I don't have "Bieber Fever" so I wasn't exactly thrilled with "Baby" or "Somebody to Love."  The Biebs didn't even win a grammy on Sunday...
• There wasn't any Kurt or Blaine this episode.  None.  At.  All.  I probably wouldn't have minded some Justin Bieber tunes if The Warblers had sung them.  I love everything they sing.  Why didn't they sing this episode?!
• I have to admit I was a little disappointed with this episode.  It was kind of lame.  However, next week's looks like a lot of crazy drunken fun...

Fourteen Flicks for February Fourteenth

by Jack Garcia

Brian and I decided to come up with some movie recommendations for you lovebirds out there.  With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, we’re all in the need for some romance this weekend.   Our list contains movies both obvious and unexpected; some with happy endings and some without.  We didn’t bother ranking them or anything, so you’ll find them in chronological order.  We hope you enjoy!

1934       It Happened One Night

“Aw, where you gonna find her?  Somebody that's real.  Somebody that's alive.  They don't come that way anymore…  She'd have to be the sort of a girl who'd... well, who'd jump in the surf with me and love it as much as I did.  You know, nights when you and the moon and the water all become one.  You feel you're part of something big and marvelous.  That's the only place to live... where the stars are so close over your head you feel you could reach up and stir them around.  Certainly, I've been thinking about it.  Boy, if I could ever find a girl who was hungry for those things...”

1939       Gone With the Wind

“There's one thing I do know... and that is that I love you, Scarlett.  In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.”

1942       Casablanca

“Kiss me.  Kiss me as if it were the last time.”

1953       Roman Holiday

“I have to leave you now.  I’m going to that corner there and turn.  You must stay in the car and drive away.  Promise not to watch me go beyond the corner.  Just drive away and leave me as I leave you…  I don’t know how to say goodbye.  I can’t think of any words.”

1955       Lady and the Tramp

“Side by side with your loved one/You’ll find enchantment here/The night will weave its magic spell/When the one you love is near/Oh, This is the night/And the heavens are right/On this lovely bella notte!”

1968       Funny Girl

“Lovers are very special people/They’re the luckiest people in the world/With one person, one very special person/A feeling deep in your soul/Says you were half now you’re whole/No more hunger and thirst/But first be a person who needs people.”

1971       Harold and Maude

“Oh, Harold…  That’s wonderful.  Go and love some more.”

1987       Moonstruck

“Loretta, I love you.  Not like they told you love is, and I didn't know this either, but love don't make things nice—it ruins everything.  It breaks your heart.  It makes things a mess.  We aren't here to make things perfect.  The snowflakes are perfect.  The stars are perfect.  Not us.  Not us!  We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and die.”

1989       When Harry Met Sally

“I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes.  And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night.  And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve.  I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

1990       Pretty Woman

“When I was a little girl, my mama used to lock me in the attic when I was bad, which was pretty often.  And I would… I would pretend I was a princess… trapped in a tower by a wicked queen.  And then suddenly this knight… on a white horse with these colors flying would come charging up and draw his sword.  And I would wave.  And he would climb up the tower and rescue me.”

1995       While You Were Sleeping

“Do you believe in love at first sight?  Nah, I betcha don't, you're probably too sensible for that…  Have you ever fallen in love with someone you haven't even talked to?  Have you ever been so alone you spend the night confusing a man in a coma?”

1997       Titanic

“Winning that ticket, Rose, was the best thing that ever happened to me…   It brought me to you.  And I’m thankful for that, Rose.  I’m thankful.  You must do me this honor, Rose.  Promise me you’ll survive.  That you won’t give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless.  Promise me now, Rose, and never let go of that promise.”

2001       Moulin Rouge!

“I don’t need you anymore!  All my life you made me believe I was only worth what someone would pay for me!  But Christian loves me.  He loves me!  He loves me, Harold.  And that is worth everything!  We’re going away from you, away from the Duke, away from the Moulin Rouge!”

2004       Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

“I could die right now, Clem. I'm just... happy. I've never felt that before. I'm just exactly where I want to be.”