Movie Reviews: Breaking Immortals

by Jack Garcia

The big movie last weekend was Immortals and this weekend is all about the newest Twilight movie, Breaking Dawn Part 1.  Neither one of them is really my cup of tea, but out of the two, I definitely enjoyed Breaking Dawn more.  I saw it at the midnight showing last night with my friend Michelle and we had a blast!

Immortals AWFUL

Henry Cavill is Theseus, a mortal man touched by the gods and destined to be a hero.  The evil King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) is set to take over Greece and unleash the Titans.  Phaedra (Freida Pinto), the virgin oracle, sees visions of the future and she guides Theseus in his quest, ultimately falling in love with him and giving up her gift.  She’s kind of a skanky virgin oracle.  And while you might think Zeus (Luke Evans) would be of some help, he’s actually very wimpy.  He commands all of the other gods not to get involved, and when they do, they all get their butts kicked by the titans.  Thankfully Theseus is there to save the day.  Or something.

This movie is visually stimulating with the rock-hard pecs, creative set pieces, lavish costumes and in-your-face show-offy computer-animated spectacle.  And again, I mention the rock-hard pecs.  However, all of this eye candy is ultimately devoid of any real human emotion or relevance.  While the plot is somewhat interesting, the motivations behind the actions are never quite there and the non-stop barrage of tactless slaughter eventually grows tiresome.  You never care about a character enough to lament their decapitation, and the sight of powerful Greek gods being brutally murdered by titans is probably the most depressing thing you will ever see.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 AVERAGE

Following in Harry Potter’s footsteps, Breaking Dawn is hitting theaters in two parts.  The first part—although scorned by movie critics worldwide—was actually a lot better than I thought it would be.  Our pouty-faced heroine, Bella (Kristen Stewart), is marrying the love of her life Edward (Robert Pattinson).  Maybe I should say “love of her un-life” because he is technically dead.  Anyway, the two go off on a romantic honeymoon on a remote island off of Brazil and Bella is very happy to consummate the marriage, even if sex with a vampire involves a broken bed, lots of bruising, and a pregnancy.  Yes, I said pregnancy, and the baby seems to be killing her from the inside… no bueno.  Bella’s other lover Jacob (Taylor Lautner) is terribly upset and determined to kill whatever it is growing inside her.  That is, until he imprints—which is kind of hard to explain and you really just have to be “in the know.”

Breaking Dawn Part 1 ends on a cliff-hanger just after the climactic birth of Bella’s child.  While most of the movie is cheesy and riddled with teenage angst or strange werewolf telepathy, once Bella gets pregnant the story really goes into a much creepier direction than what we’ve become accustomed to.  And do you know what?  I liked it!  Finally, a movie about a girl in love with a blood-sucking vampire got a little, well, gross…  and it should be! 

Bella, drinking blood to satiate the fetus’ thirst, talks about how delicious it is with blood-stained teeth and dripping mouth.  The audience cringes.  When the sickly looking Bella finally goes into labor, we are treated to one of the most horrific scenes in Twilight history as Edward rips her stomach open with his teeth, pulling the baby out of her bloody guts...  So delightfully creepy!  Go check it out!